Dog's Reminders to Self:
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behindthe sofa or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur beforeentering the house.
5. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat itor after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remainingpieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, elkpoop, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty,are not food.
10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins andthen redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and nottell them.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially notthe red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having thewindow rolled down when it's raining outside.
15. I will not bark each time I hear a doorbell onTV.
16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance allover the backyard with them.
17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom &Dad's laps.
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19. I will not bite the officer's hand when hereaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.
20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwearwhen he's on the toilet.
21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out ofthe bathroom garbage and walk around with a string hanging out of my butt.
22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as anoption after just getting a bath.
23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not anacceptable way of saying "Hello."
24. I will not fart in my owners face while sleepingon the pillow next to their head.
25. I will not come in from outside and immediatelydrag my butt across the carpet .
26. The toilet bowl is not a never ending watersupply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
27. I will not sit in the middle of the living roomand lick my crotch when company is over.
28. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play withhim and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.